Talking about self-care has become rather cliché. It feels like a throwaway term that’s just become part of the noise on social media. And depending on which content creator or influencer you hear it from, it’s easy to get confused about it.
What does self-care even mean? Is paying attention to self-care worth your time?
As a therapist, I’d say that yes it is worth your time, as long as you understand what it is… and what it is not. Self-care is the collection of behaviors you use to maintain physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Nourishing your body with nutritious foods, exercise, journaling, and meditating are all examples of things you might do to take care of yourself on a regular basis.
Self-care is an integral part of managing the responsibilities of daily life, work, school, and relationships.
It gives you a consistent guidepost to return to when you get distracted or an anchor to keep you steady when life gets messy.
Self-care is not just an opportunity to treat yourself.
Yes, sometimes it’s important to reward yourself for making it through a challenge or accomplishing a goal. But true self-care is about routine and ritual, not immediate gratification.
Self-care is sometimes the last thing you want to do.
Choosing to move your body when you’d rather lie on the couch and doom-scroll; making yourself a full meal when it would be easier to snack on chips; going to bed at a reasonable hour rather than bingeing one more episode of your favorite series.
Self-care is often the harder choice, because it requires you to be present, aware, and thoughtful about what you really need in the long run. It asks you to zoom out and view the bigger picture, not just the moment that you’re in.
Self-care is not reactive.
If you’re having a bad day or you’re upset about something that’s happened, self-care isn’t something that distracts you or makes you feel better in the moment. That’s actually self-soothing — also important, but not the same thing.
Self-care is proactive.
When you’re tending to your needs on a regular basis, your natural level of distress tolerance will increase, which means you’ll be better equipped to handle it when distress arises. With regular self-care, you might also feel more rested and resilient.
Self-care is not selfish.
If you’re someone who views taking time for yourself as self-centered or self-indulgent, ask yourself where you learned that message. Depending on your family, culture, or community, you might have learned that your self-worth is tied to caring for others, and so putting yourself first feels sacrilegious. Or maybe your value is tied to achievement, which means there’s nothing more important than the hustle, not even when it derails your health and relationships. If this is you, you have to rewrite that narrative.
Self-care is your foundation.
The more you give to yourself, the more you can give to others. It’s as simple as that. When you tend to yourself, you can show up at work, in relationships, and in supportive roles as the grounded, compassionate person you want to be, and not the harried, resentful version who shows up when you’ve burned the candle at both ends.
Self-care is the way you demonstrate to yourself that you are worthy of love, belonging, and joy. It’s the way you offer yourself what you need simply because you need it, not because you’ve earned it. It’s the way you create a new, healthier relationship with yourself, which can only lead to deeper and more connected relationships with others.